I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket