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Im at strip club and am horny
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
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