How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE