8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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