my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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