amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
