i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
