we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
