Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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