I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
