We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
