yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
