Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
