for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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