Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
