i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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