Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
