I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
