Don't make out with my wife yet
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
