Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
