Your dad touched me again.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
