sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
