Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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