I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
