Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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