Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
ttyl tear gas
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
