The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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