No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
