Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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