I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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