I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize