Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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