u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize