we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
