I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
