i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
