i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
