How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize