If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
