I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
