eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
