The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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