How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
