if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
