You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
