take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ladies don't puke and tell
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
