Betty ford says i'm here all night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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