he thought i was a dude.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How does it feel to date your dad?
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