The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
