btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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