I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
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I am full of burrito and curiosity
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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