The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
