how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
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I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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