Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
